The Real World

About a year ago I wrote an article about the poker world, an article I still consider one of my best. In that article I wrote the following: "So a fundamental truth of being a professional gambler is that you cannot take anything for granted. But more importantly, it's what you learned that really matters, as this is a long-term investment in your business."

Since then I have started working again, while gradually moving out of poker, and it seems I have finally found a place where I feel great working. As a matter of fact I seem to have lost interest in poker and almost don't play online anymore. Yet I have decided to write a sequel to my article on the poker world. Cause one question still remains to be answered, and that is: What have I learned as a poker pro and how can it be applied to the tasks at hand my in civic life? As you will see, I think that I have learned a lot - a lot more then most employees have been willing to give me credit for, as nobody seems to believe that you can have it made and yet chose to give it up.

The first thing that poker has really changed for me is my ambitions. I have always been ambitious with what I'm doing and I still am. Yet living from poker where I could do exactly what I wanted, when I wanted it and where I wanted to do it - turned out to become a routine after a while just like everything else. While this complete freedom seems to be what most people dream off, I started to long for responsibility again. And in any case dreams never seem to turn out quite as exciting as they were when you start to make them real. I have proved to myself and the world that I am capable of realizing my dreams whatever they may be, and somehow no dreams of mine seem capable of matching this. Instead I have taken an interest in succeeding through others. Now how can a background as a professional poker player have taught you something about helping others achieving their goals?

First off I have throughout the years spent a lot of time doing just that here at the poker forum. But more importantly, to be competitive at the highest levels you must possess a strong sense of empathy and be a real good listener. And real listening is a willingness to let the other person change you. Think of it this way - in most situations you use your knowledge to impose your truths on the other persons and you use your past experiences to make sense of what he is telling you. This is the way communication usually works. But what if the other person is nothing like you?

Recently a whole family with no sense of pain was discovered in Denmark. Apparently they had a genetic defect that deprived them of the feeling of pain of any kind. One could ask how such a family could go unnoticed for generations. The answer seemed to be that when they fell, they behaved just like other people and cried. They could even tell you about their feeling of pain. Yet they could not feel pain at all - or rather what they felt was something of a completely different nature then what the rest of us feel. But throughout evolution we have learned that being ejected from the group is a life threatening experience, and we act accordingly to fit in, without even noticing. It is my belief that to a certain extent we all have genetic defects like that. Or rather - it is highly unusual that two persons experience the same event in exactly the same way.

Through poker I have learned to listen without having to make sense of what I hear in order to make decisions based on it. I know what I know and what I think I am well enough to be able to let go of myself and lose myself in somebody else's story. It takes courage and it takes letting go on everything you believe in, and accepting that things can be right for others even when it makes no sense whatsoever for you. We all have different strengths and weaknesses, yet we share the challenge of developing and making the best use of what we've got. Poker has given me this gift, and an open mind whenever I approach people at work or in my social life. Needless to say, that the ability to really listen is a valuable tool in a lot of situations.

Another thing that poker has taught me is discipline. To me discipline has always been a synonym to boring. Yet poker has taught me a way of being disciplined that is anything but� To me discipline was not really about playing tight. It was about being focused, and about realizing when I lost my focus and refocus. I cannot pride myself of being 100% focused at the tables all the time. Far from it. Yet it has puzzled me to see how it is completely ordinary for people to be unfocused some 25-50% of their working day. And they don't even seem to realize it. I have made a habit out of asking myself where my mind was every 5th minute throughout the day, and this habit seems to make me extremely productive in a normal job too. How often does your mind wonder without you realizing it?

A final lesson that I will take with me through the remaining part of my journey through life is some life lessons on responsibility and forgiveness. Poker is a humbling game, if you play it long enough as the swings will take you from the highest highs through the lowest lows. Whenever I encounter somebody who keeps telling me about his skill level, I label him rookie. Cause no matter how good you are there is no joy that is not paralleled by the pain. Most players (myself included) has a tendency to blame it on luck when they lose and on skill when they win. Yet the fact is that in poker half of your results are caused by your own actions and the other half is pure chance. As a matter of fact this seem to be the case for most aspects of life. Just think about how you've met the most important people in your life. Skill or chance? Yet decision making is all about the willingness to face consequences. Many people fail to make timely decisions for fear of consequences, and these guys are easy targets in a poker game. Yet how can you take responsibility for actions where you don't control the outcome? In my experience it is about mustering the courage to make the necessary decisions, and then take 50% of the credit and 50% of the blame on yourself and let the other 50% belong to forces that are larger then yourself. If you were to be perfect you would have been created a God, not a mortal man, so strive to give it your best shot and forgive yourself for not being perfect. Take the lesson when there's one to be learned and leave your wounds to heal from there.

When I was younger I thought I knew it all. The more I learn the more I feel my limitations. Yet I also feel more grateful for the experiences that have been bestowed upon me, and this in turn is a major source of joy in my life.

Thanks to Leigh Lightfoot-Martin for proof reading this article.

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