Fear

'By the Way of the warrior is meant death. The Way of the warrior is death. This means choosing death whenever there is a choice between life and death. It means nothing more than this. It means to see things through being resolved. Sayings like "To die with your intention unrealized is to die uselessly"'... (Miyamoto Musashi, Samurai 1645)

"You must be willing to die in order to live" (Amir Vahedi Poker player 2003)

It should not be surprising that poker and martial arts share a lot of things. For one thing you must be able to deal with fear if you wish to become a great master.

Fear is an odd thing. People fear a lot of things. Terrorists, rapists, crime, rejection, ridicule etc. Often we don't even know what makes us afraid. We just have this unclear perception of being threatened. Fear works a lot like allergies. When someone is allergic to cats, it is not the cat he reacts to. The substance that gives him the rash is a substance produced by his own body when a cat is nearby. I believe fear works the same way. Fear does not need to have any rational connection to actual risks. For instance chances are way greater that you will die in a traffic accident than in a terrorist attack. Yet most people fear the latter, but go around in traffic without much worry. Like the cat fear is not about terrorists, rapists or actual threats. It's all in your head, and if you want to become a great poker player, you must work with your fear. Or rather you must be able always to let your actions be the result of an accurate risk assessment, instead of the result of subconscious stimuli like fear.

But fear is not all bad. Fear is a survival instinct that gives us a head start when a predator might be closing in. Fear often keeps us from getting hurt, simply because it makes us get out of the way, regardless if the threat proved real or was just a false alarm. The only problem is that in poker as in martial arts, there is nowhere to run. Therefore, you must overcome your fears and face your enemy. I believe that the ability to do this is something that all great poker players have. If you are controlled by your fear, the fearless player will notice and start to push you around. And he will continue to do so until you take a stand.

Overcoming fear is not something limited to the poker table. You must eliminate it from your life. And as it turns out in his 'Book of Five Rings' the samurai cited above has a great little exercise for this purpose. It simply consist of "With your spirit open and unconstricted, look at things from a point high above.' So please follow me on this little journey to a place high above, while I tell you how the world looks to me.

The first thing I notice is that I can hardly see myself. I see 8 billion people all walking around preoccupied with their separate little businesses. They seem exactly as preoccupied with their own business as I usually am with mine. But as I don't see any difference, I wonder if my deeds are really that important to anybody but myself. And I wonder if they are any more important for me than I let them be.

I realize that the universe seen from a point high above is a completely different world than that made up by our separate universes in which we are the undeniable centers. And I realize that it is almost impossible to communicate unless you get out of your own universe. Yet few are capable hereof, making the world a very confusing place where misunderstandings and hurt feelings flourish.

I see a girl walking with a baby carriage. Somehow I imagine that this picture is so identical to a picture taken some 35 years ago where the baby in the carriage was me. And this makes me wonder if the change is in me or in the world. It's like an ants' nest. Generations of ants that bust their little ant butts without anybody noticing. All they leave behind is the survival of their tribe and maybe a few inches on top of the nest. I wonder what I will leave behind, but immediately realize that all that I can leave is what I have given unconditionally to those left behind when I am gone. And I realize that my time on earth is limited just like any living creature, but that this limitation is not something to be feared but rather something to make me grateful of being alive every moment that I am, and a thing to make me feel a sense of belonging with all living things.

I wonder what doing well really means. I see a lot of evil, but when I look really hard most evildoers are people with broken hearts, who live miserable lives in an attempt to steal the love that they should have had unconditionally to begin with. Not everybody has been dealt a good hand to begin with, but everybody tries to play the game as they best can with whatever hand they've got. If I was meant to be perfect I suppose that fortune would have created me a God instead of a mortal man. This not being the case, I accept that I make mistakes, and forgive myself while learning. Yet I try to treat my fellow man with respect and love, because I know that this is what makes lasting impressions. When I'm gone the world will be fine without me. But while I'm still here I must do what I can to make this a good place and the people that surround me giving people. But think about it. Even big folks like Napoleon are reduced to a name in a history book, and their deeds are considered history with no practical implications on how we shape our future. Why should I be any different?

When I get back on earth I realize that I have nothing to fear. I am no different from everybody else, and as my death is an inescapable fact, what matters is how I fulfil the destiny of opportunity that is bestowed upon me. I shall not try to live the life of other men, but accept the restrictions and abilities that lie within me. I shall indeed live every day like it was my last and let the words of Musashi be my guiding light: "To die with your intention unrealized is to die uselessly"... I shall fight and I shall sometimes lose, but not without knowing that I gave it my best shot.

Thanks to Leigh Lightfoot-Martin for proof reading this article.

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