Honorable Behavior

"You're a true gentleman, and when all the money's gone that is what you will be known for". (Joe dealer)

When at the poker room I always try to treat my opponents with respect. As a matter of fact I am often willing to give up something in order to treat my opponents with respect. It is amazing how few players are willing and able to do this. I think the main reason for this is greed. Most gamblers are greedy by nature. This is sad in many ways, but overall it is my experience that honorable behavior pays more in the long run then it might cost in the short run. Greedy people are, in other words, only cheating themselves.

When manners are discussed in various textbooks, it is usually from the angle that you should always behave in the way that will maximize your winnings. Somehow I have always found this approach depressing. In my opinion you should not act honorably in expectation of a personal gain. No you should try to treat your opponents, as you'd wish that they'd treat you.

When some one is at the table to have a ball, I'm going to give him one. I will always give action to an action guy. If he straddles I will straddle. Maybe not as frequently as he does, but I will honor his bet. I recently played a guy who was really loose and over-aggressive. He had dropped a few grand really fast, when he says that he will straddle if someone will call his straddle cold. I called it in the dark. Nobody else did. The funny thing is that after all what I did was to post 1 big bet blind, which can hardly qualify as a costly error. But when I did respect was shared between the guy and me. He respected me for gambling with him, and I showed him respect for gambling. And everybody else at the table had to respect that I kept the live one happy, when nobody else felt they could spare a dime for the purpose. The funny thing is that it doesn't really cost you much to straddle every now and then, if you know how to utilize a reckless image (this is usually done through ramming and jamming for a few rounds, hopefully hitting a rush and putting a few players on tilt, and then tighten up). So don't let the guy who wants to splash some chips down. He doesn't care if he loses it all, but he will leave if he feels like a jerk. The most extreme case of this situation occurred in a super tight live game where the only loose guy in the game decided to straddle and ended up stealing the blinds!!! After that hand he just took his chips and left offended.

Don't force an opponent to show his hand if he doesn't want to. This one should be obvious. Nobody likes to be embarrassed by having to show down a lame bluff. Doing so will generally tend to change the table mood from a merry gambling one to a grumpy tight one. Furthermore, win or lose, it is always way more pleasant to be at a merry table compared to a grumpy one. But in terms of your prospects for the evening, it is especially stupid when you do this to the live one. A seasoned pro will take a few insults, whereas the live one often will not, especially not when he's losing.

Don't blame a fish for being lucky. I see this on a daily basis. Statements like "how could you call with that s#!t! and "idiocy rewarded again". First of all it is not the fish's fault when he gets lucky. Don't blame the fish for being fishy. Blame Lady Luck instead. Second of all, many knowledgeable players tend to think that poker is like chess, where if you do the right thing you always get the desired result. Poker is not like that, and should not be like that. I hate chess, and I wouldn't like poker without the element of luck. And when it comes to luck, the bad player has the same right as you to catch luck every now and then. If the bad player never gets a winning session why would he keep coming back? Yet a substantial group of pros and semi pros keep cursing the bad players, despite being dependent on their donations. To me this is a disgrace.

When you take a man's chips you should hand him back his honor. This is something I almost never see anybody do. Whenever somebody who I have played several pots against during the session I stand up and walk to his side of the table to shake his hand while thanking him for the game. Especially when people have had a really rough ride, this means something. First of all I didn't need to do it. Secondly I save his face. Instead of looking like a fishy loser I actually state that even though I won your money I appreciate that you put up a tough fight. I have never done this for any other reason then that I know the pain he's going through. Yet this empathy often means that the same guy prefer to play at my table next time he comes around. Also I have experienced some of these guys taking a personal interest in helping this young talented gentle kid along in the poker world (which also made them feel better about their losses). This was enjoyable as well as profitable.

Apologize if you get it out wrong even when you're right. Again this is something that most people refuse to do. I once had a dealer who always was really slow when she collected time, simply because she didn't know the right procedure. Somewhat annoyed I started to tell her how it's done while she was collecting. This lesson did not fit her well, as she felt that I was undermining her authority as a dealer. I realized this and gave her an apology for being grumpy for everybody to hear. Next time I told her how to do it while she was waiting for the last hand to be dealt, and nobody had to hear that she was learning something she should have known all along from a player. Nobody likes to lose face in front of an audience. And most people are more focused on the general way you say it than what you actually say. Always try to imagine this situation from the receiving end.

Don't steal the rock. Sometimes some players want to play with a rock, a Tunica thing that tends to generate a very lively game. It consists of a big bet (in chips) with a rubber band around them. Whoever wins a pot with the rock in it must post the rock next time he's under the gun. The only problem is that often one of two players are not too keen about the rock, either because they are too greedy to waste money on a straddle or because they don't like a rammin' and jammin' type of game. But it really is a party killer when someone refuses to put it back in after they have won it. If you don't like the rock you should muster the guts and state it right away instead of "stealing" it somewhere along the road.

Don't cut corners. This concerns the essence of greed. It might appear advantageous to cut a corner every now and then, but believe me when I say that when something looks like is "too good an offer" it usually is. Being treated like a pariah will make your life a lot tougher at the table. So if you accidentally act out of turn, make a heart felt apology and try not to do it again.

Don't argue. Leave your emotions out of the game. If you need a decision ask for the floor to come and give you one. Nobody really likes to be part of a heated argument. So instead of arguing with an opponent you should just ask the dealer to get you a decision from the person who is able to give you one, and then get on with the game. If an argument is needed the floor is always the person to handle it. This also takes away the argument from the table.

Why does all this matter? First of all it is my experience that what comes around goes around (eventually). Call it karma or whatever you want. Cutting corners just doesn't pay. But more importantly treating other people with respect makes me feel good, and when I feel good I usually play good. Think about it. I cannot recall a single incident where I was feeling great and angry at the same time. Destructive feelings, despite being necessary and sometimes even called for, are just not very pleasant, not only for the person in the receiving end but also for the angry person. And voluntarily feeling miserable and angry somehow defeats the purpose of life, namely feeling great and sharing it with your kin.

I believe that a few mental tricks have helped me cope with other people treating me disrespectfully or unfairly. First off, when someone is giving me the heat, I always ask myself whether this has anything to do with me. Usually it hasn't. My colleague came to work after an argument with his wife, and now he has to get his frustrations out, and I just happen to be the person standing next to him. A guy just took a horrible beat from me, and as a result needs to get his frustration out etc. I also realize that sometimes I'm the one behaving in that manner, and therefore I acknowledge that frustrations often needs to get steamed out before other more gentle emotions can find a place. So I don't take it in, while I nod and try to be a good listener. I will happily lend an ear or a shoulder. What I want do is to avoid engaging in a conflict that in the outset has nothing to do with me. With time, I have become very good at this approach, and believe it or not, it makes me equally respected and feared at the table. I like that combination.

Thanks to Leigh Lightfoot-Martin for proof reading this article.

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