JV'S KILLER POKER:
NONSENSE!

BY: John Vorhaus

"They can't figure out your strategy if you don't have one." Often have I used this phrase while raking a pot I seemingly had no business winning. Often, in fact, have I raked pots I seemingly have no business winning, because I make it my business to make my game look like nonsense, and it's the perception of nonsense that makes me a winner.

Note that I said perception of nonsense. There's a difference between real nonsense and perceived nonsense, and I present it to you thus: It's real nonsense, clearly, to call three bets before the flop with 6-4 offsuit. But it's only perceived nonsense to take that same hand and open for a raise on the button with (to your keen eye) proven willing-to-surrender blinds waiting to act behind. From that raise can come two good outcomes. First, the blinds might fold, either right then or under subsequent bluffy pressure. Second, you could hit the flop, drive all the way, and get the chance to show down your winning rags - your perceived nonsense - whereupon you get to say, "They can't figure out your strategy if you don't have one," while you merrily stack the chips.

So: How can 6-4 offsuit not be worth a call but yet be worth a raise? The answer lies not in the cards, but in the situation surrounding the cards. If you call three bets with a bad hand, you have limited chance of winning and no chance of enhancing your image. But if you raise with bad cards, you put yourself in a position to do both. Maybe that's nonsense to you. To me it's enlightened nonsense, and I look for opportunities to thrust it upon my foes.

The trouble is, some of my foes aren't that smart. They don't appreciate the distinction between real nonsense and perceived nonsense. In other words, they truly don't have a strategy (nay, nor even a clue) and I have to make adjustments accordingly. You've heard this set of adjustments boiled down to such trite-and-trueisms as: "Never bluff into players who aren't paying attention," and "Don't bet on the last round when the only hand that can call you can beat you." This is wise wisdom, of course, but it only goes so far. Forget about tweaking your tactics; you have to tweak your entire approach.

Isn't it true where you play, for example, that almost any player who gets engaged to a pot for a single bet will stay married to it at least through the flop, no matter whether one or two or even three raises follow their first ill-considered call? They may have been right to make the first call (unlikely) but they'll never stop to contemplate whether it's correct or not to call all those raises. As a consequence, we see some pretty funky holdings in some fairly hefty pots. At which point, of course, it becomes more correct to call with thin draws, and sensible players take some vile and horrendous beats at the hands of the woodentops around them - woodentops who then get to say, and unfortunately mean, "They can't figure out your strategy if you don't have one."

You have to adjust your approach. If you know that opponents will make bad calls on top of other bad calls, you can't drive them off with nonsense raises, and you can't consistently raise to thin the field. You can consistently raise to give them a chance to compound their errors; however, you must recognize that in this sort of game any raise you make probably just increases the chance that you're going to have to show down the best hand to win. Thus you want to drive even harder with big tickets, but back off your raises with drawing hands like middle suited connectors and small and middle pairs. When everyone's playing "hit to win," you want to make it cheap for you, but expensive for them, to try.

It's all so simple, really. You hold 8-7s in late position, and you see some anti-strategist crawl in before you. You know he could have some utterly dunderhead holding like K-6 offsuit, but still you have to hit to win. Against this opponent you want to save your raises for when you have big tickets and you know that the true believer will call.

That's the thing about true believers: They always call. In the long run, we know, these muttonchops are doomed to lose. So just keep hammering away with your quality cards, avoid mixing it up with trash, and know that eventually all their loose calls will catch up to them. But in the meantime, it's the short run and not the long run, and it's vital that you remain clear in your mind about the difference between sinking to their level and only seeming to sink.

In most low-limit games, and even a surprising number of those at middle limits, you will see almost flabbergasting mistakes being made hand after hand, hour after hour, day after day. You can beat these games, but it requires sensitivity to real nonsense, and a willingness to project perceived nonsense, on your part.

How will you know whether you're playing in a nonsense game? Try raising into a large field in late position and see if anyone folds. When they don't - and they won't - you'll know the stuff they're made of. To prosper in this volcanic environment, all you have to do is keep your wits about you while simultaneously seeming to lose your mind. Make strong plays against weak opponents while talking quite a lot about your purportedly weak plays against superior foes. Punish them for their mistakes while appearing to be making mistakes of your own.

Here's the difference between you and your wahoo foes: You take your draws when the pot odds warrant; they don't. Sometimes your draws get there, just like theirs. The difference is that you were right to draw but they don't know that! You seem to be just like them, willing to throw loose bets at any vague prospect. But your prospects are better than vague. It's not nonsense, it's faux nonsense. Brother, it's amazing how you can make reasonably tight play look like astoundingly loose play if you just advertise the right "bad strategy" at an opportune time.

They can't figure out your strategy if you don't have one - and if you play your cards right, they'll never know that you do.

(John Vorhaus is author of the KILLER POKER series and News Ambassador for UltimateBet.com.)