JV'S KILLER POKER:
Smarts

BY: John Vorhaus

If someone tells you they're smarter than you, they are, in fact, not. If they were smarter than you, they'd know better than to tip you off to that fact, and thus put you on your guard. This is true in poker, and also true in life where, at minimum, people don't want you to think you're not as smart as they are if for no other reason than that it may make you feel grumpy and insecure, and then not give them what they want. With that in mind, far be it from me to claim to be smarter than anyone, and let me underscore the point by listing the Top Ten Ways I'm Dumb at Poker. I hope to demonstrate through this exercise in honesty that honesty, even painful honesty, is a conscientious poker player's friend, not foe. Here, then, my list...

10. I GET COCKY WHEN I GET AHEAD. Many is the winning session I've turned into a losing session by confusing good fortune with good play. A few key cards can make the difference between booking a win and booking a loss. If I always remembered this fact, my own hubris would not get the best of me.

9. I TAKE SLIM DRAWS. It's amazing how I can miscompute the simple math of a draw when ego is at stake. I know I only have a four-outer, but I will jump through any mental hoops necessary (visions of implied odds dancing in my head) in order to justify the draw.

8. I GET GLOWERY WHEN I GET BEHIND. Not that I'd ever come right out and be rude, but I do tend to withdraw into a shell when things aren't going my way. There's nothing wrong with turning tight when the situation demands, but my best style is gregarious and flamboyant, so the silent, withdrawn me is not my strongest version.

7. I PUSH A RUSH TOO FAR. Related to getting cocky when I get ahead, I can't always consolidate my gains without giving at least some of them back. This is often a case of overestimating my table strength or table image. Just because I'm hitting my hands doesn't necessarily mean the other players will fear me and back down.

6. I LACK STAMINA OR FOCUS. After a few hours of playing poker, even in a great (profitable) game, my mind starts to wander. It may be that I'm just not cut out for monomaniacal marathon poker. I like to do too many other things.

5. I FEAR MONEY. No matter how many times I tell myself that it's only chips and that outcomes don't matter, I still can't let go of the fear of losing all that... value. When I'm within my comfort range, I'm fine, but when I put... gee... a mortgage payment on the table, I start to go a little frayed around the confidence.

4. I STAY IN BAD GAMES. Either through inertia, pride or denial I can often convince myself that a game isn't really as bad as it is. Despite the evidence of my eyes, I can persuade myself that my opponents are not as frisky, tricky, deceptive or clever as they clearly manifest themselves to be. Leaving a bad game is a sign of intelligence, not cowardice.

3. I DON'T COMPLETE MY DRIVES. I see good players raise pre-flop, bet the flop, bet the turn, bet the river and eventually drop all opposition. I know that they don't have the hands they're representing all the time. What they have is the essential ability to carry through on a bluff. I will frequently break off a drive, checking the turn and the river if I haven't dropped the field by then. Maybe I'm convinced that I won't get all my opponents to fold, but maybe I am not right.

2. I CALL EVEN THOUGH I'M BEATEN. So often I know, just know, that an opponent has completed his hand. How could I not know? His raise was like a red cape in a bull's face. Nevertheless I'll call. Whether I tell myself I'm calling "for the size of the pot," or calling "just to keep them honest," I'm really only calling because I can't stand to admit the truth: I'm beaten and I know it, and I should fold.

And the number one thing I do wrong...

1. I LOOSEN UP. I loosen up when I'm winning. I loosen up when I'm losing. I loosen up when I'm tired or agitated or bored. I loosen up... just over time. I start out playing squeaky tight, but soon find myself turning the handle just a notch or two counter-clockwise. Next thing I know, the valve is all the way open, and I'm playing every cockamamie hand I can get my hands on. I think I'm being frisky, but I'm really just out of line. Wish I could stop doing that.

Here's the thing. No one plays flawlessly forever. It's a goal we pursue, but not an end we can achieve. In pursuit of perfect poker, I find that it helps to be patient and impatient at the same time. I'm patient with myself in the sense that I'll forgive my mistakes, but impatient with myself in the sense that I'm determined to do better tomorrow than today. In the end, I think, that's all anyone can ask.

So do it if you can: List the top ten ways you're dumb at poker. I challenge you to make a frank and honest appraisal of the mistakes you commonly make.

But also the ones you don't.

I don't, for example, buy in short, ever. I don't rebuy when I rack out badly, ever. I don't blame bad luck or bad karma for bad outcomes, ever. I don't berate dealers or other players, ever. I don't ask for deck changes or new setups, ever. I don't gamble more than I can stand to lose, ever. I don't get angry, ever (except angry at myself for manifestly boneheaded plays; but I get over it quick).

I hope you'll see that all of this information - good news and bad alike - is, at the end of the day, just information. You don't have to be particularly smart to use useful information.

But you're not particularly smart if you don't.

(John Vorhaus is author of the KILLER POKER series and News Ambassador for UltimateBet.com.)